to Sam, love Sam

my Bonnie lies over the ocean
my Bonnie lies over the sea
my Bonnie lies over the ocean
oh bring back my Bonnie to me

Did you see the rain coming down today? It poured so hard that the charcoal on my jeans turned into pools of black and ran down my legs. Sam, did you hear the rain today? I could hear it when I went to bed last night, and when I woke up this morning, and I will probably hear it again tonight when I'm trying to sleep. Sam, I used to think I liked the rain. The sound of it patting my window or sloshing in my boots or dripping from the branches above my head. I used to watch it with optimism. I used to sit and wait, and know that eventually the sun would come out and the mud would dry into dirt and I knew eventually everything would dry. And still, it would leave little sparkles on the leaves and in the sky. Sam, I used to think that rain could wash away everything bad. And I used to think the day after it rained was the best kind of new day. That those were the only kind of new days you could get. But Sam, I've heard the rain come down for quite some time now and I know that it will stop soon but I am not as patient or optimistic or as excited as before. And maybe I've just gotten older, maybe some of the magic is gone. Maybe I am sad because I sit alone in my bed and no one is here to sit with me. And maybe I am tired and need some sleep. I don't know but I hope that this rain ends soon because I have work to do and things to get done and all I can think about is how I have no one to pull the wet strands of hair stuck to my cheek and tuck them behind my ears. That no one is here to help me unlace my boots or invite me into the warmth of their bed-fort. Maybe it's cause this year is not last year. And when I come home soggy and looking like shit, no one is going to tell me otherwise. This year when I look like shit--I look like shit

Sam, I think I just need to accept that this time the rain is pouring down on me. And even when it stops, nothing will necessarily be new. Or any better.

Love, Sam