"I didn't want to go out -- I was very happy," he said.

oh yes.

We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing.

...and I catch myself thinking today that our long journey had only defiled with a sinuous trail of slime the lovely, trustful, dreamy, enormous country that by then, in retrospect, was no more to us than a collection of dog-eared maps, ruined tour books, old tires, and her sobs in the night — every night, every night — the moment I feigned sleep.

Carbon monoxide, soon we'll go to sleep. No one will notice, we're gone. 'Cause we don't have a job to keep. They'll just say that we're being lazy. Sex crazy, sex crazy. They'll just say we're living our whole life in bed. And we'll be in bed but we'll be, oh, so very much dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a, dead-a. Dead-a, d-dead, yeah

But we're so cool, we're so cool, we're so cool

everything that begins as comedy ends as tragedy

Today I realized that what I wrote yesterday I really wrote today: everything from December 31 I wrote on January 1, i.e. today, and what I wrote on December 30 I wrote on the 31st, i.e. yesterday. What I write today I’m really writing tomorrow, which for me will be today and yesterday, and also, in some sense, tomorrow: an invisible day. But enough of that.

summer is forever

I hate getting rid of things.

time to watch home movies

We climbed the rocks, in snow and rain

in search of magic powers

to heal our mother's pain

can't see my toes

can't feel my body

Where are we now? I'm just looking for the sun to escape the sky so I can escape too

I hope that there's still some magic

somewhere, out there

just sitting

This is my inch of hope

I can't change the rest

nightswim

Sam,

let me tell you something funny. what's funny is that i just walked the length of my backyard front to back and I looked at the orange glow of the lanterns on my pool in the dark and I am eighteen years old and all I can think about is being sixteen, so devastatingly in love and heartbroken that I'd go out to that pool at night, the summer after sophomore year, and I'd strip down next to nothing while everyone else in the world was sleeping and I'd dive into the water, which was warm compared with the night air, and I'd look up at the stars and almost cry and I remember kissing on my front lawn at midnight and actually a lot of the time I feel like I'm still sixteen years old, I really do. And I almost just want to be so devastatingly something about someone again, even if drives me to nightswim in some desperate attempt to numb my feelings, because I'm not trying to numb them now, I'm just trying to feel anything at all.

love,

Sam

All that I have is a river
The river is always my home
Lord, take me away for I just cannot stay
Or I'll sink in my skin and my bones

Just look out over the hills and houses and through the clouds and up to the stars and feel the atmosphere and know that this is your home and it is beautiful and so are you.

it's almost over and yet everything is just starting and it's too thrilling and lovely to be cliché.

let's keep soaring through space and floating along and never stay in one place for too long.

I want to be the sun and give you all my warmth, warmth, warmth

love you miss you love you miss you

I just want to hug and kiss you

I'll be home soon