mama used to lay so sad in her bed, I'd hold her hand and bring her ice cream in a mug. I thought maybe I could make her smile and then daddy would smile and sister would smile. And daddy, he always talks as if he'll die tomorrow.
I can't afford it, to lose nobody
feels like everybody's dyin or goin away, and I'm lost
orphaned. I can't hold on to anything
like a spider in a tub
Why do I feel 8, mama? mama? I know you didn't mean it when you left. I know you loved me more than anything, right? mama? mama, I watched your headlights disappear into the night so many times I thought one day you might never come back. mama I don't know how sad you were, and I don't know if it was me or daddy or just life. But mama, I need you. Because I have these awful thoughts in my head and I think I might be like you. I think I'm sad like you mama. And remembering your car pullin out of the driveway is reminding me of senior year, when I was 17 and young and felt so terribly alone. And I don't know if it was people or school or just life, but I laid so sad in my bed. And every night I wanted to pull out of the driveway and disappear like you, run away to the stars. It's been more than a year. And I thought maybe life was getting good, like I was all grown up or somethin. And I didn't have to look at the stars or the moon or the dirt and hope something would take me up up up.
mama, my heart hurts so much I can't help but feel 17 again. Like I could fall asleep and disappear. I know people love me mama. I know you love me mama. But everybody's leaving, and it hurts down to my bones knowin they ain't ever comin back.
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