do something pretty while you can, don't fall asleep

I think tonight, for the first time I could imagine myself old,

older than 14 or 16 or 19. and I don't think I've ever felt this way.

I don't think I've ever seen past 18 or 25

but today!

today I wanted to be 43! with one of those long dresses bohemian moms wear, and a joint between my fingertips. I wanted wine flushed cheeks and comfy shoes

today

today I wanted something I haven't wanted before or at least in a longlongtime

isn't it weird? 5 years ago I was 14.

14 and small and confused. now I am 19, and not much has changed

but

I have so much hope!

tonight, if only for a moment, LA sounded like it could be

be a home!

and maybe that's all I need, to have hope

I got back, and I think I cut my lip, on some ice. I was drinking water, and the middle was frozen.

frozen water dagger hiding in my bottle..

and I left my keys

in your wallet

I had to call my mom at midnight

to ask for your number

which was kind of embarrassing

and everyone heard..

but

tonight was the night

tonight was my night!

and nothing could ever ruin that, and say it wasn't

and while all we really did was stand around and bob our heads, eat pizza, smoke stoges, dance muddy and wet around the deceased

tonight was the night

my night!

and it was so easy to be happy I thought I could die