to Sam, love Sam

I just want to be adored.

Sam,

You told me that this year everyone was going to come together, unified, sewn together by the finale of our childhoods, a sort of goodbye. I believed you and hoped and tried for the first time in a long time to be excited and friendly. I took my extraversion off the shelf and dusted off my outgoingness. I went to a party or two, I went to a dance, I talked to the girl sitting next to me, I smiled at the boy across from me, I laughed and helped make some plans. I worked in groups instead of alone for once. Sam, nothing seems to have changed. If anything, I've ended up walking the halls alone more than ever. Hiding in the art room at brunch is no way to live a life. I cannot keep pretending that I'm all alone because I chose to be, "oh, it's because I don't like anyone else". Excuses, excuses...I want to fly away and start over, I want to live in another city, maybe another state. Do you think that would help? Would I feel less like a loser? Would I feel liked and loved instead of ignored and left behind? I have to keep believing that someday my modest dreams of being invited places and being chosen first will come true. I feel as though it would be harder to ask for less than that.