to Sam, love Sam

Dear Sam,

I am always excited to hear your tales of youth and adventure and friends. I am always excited to hear about what you’re doing, what you’ll do next. Sam, I am always excited to see your name flashing red on my computer screen. To know that somebody has stories to tell me. Or pictures to show. Or songs to sing.

Sam, sometimes it’s nice to know that even when we have no stories to tell or boyfriends to kiss or lives to live, that we still have friends to be fools with us. That I have you, and you have me. Sam, I am always excited to hear your tales and I’ll always wonder what will happen next.

Sam, sometimes I wish I could see your name flashing red when I needed you. When I’m lying on top of the covers listening to Daniel Rossen sing about the “Deep Blue Sea…” Sometimes I wish you could be there with me and we could stare straight through the ceiling and up at the stars. Sam, sometimes I lay there and it feels like I’m drifting out to sea. And I’m paralyzed with remorse and regret and it all pulls me in and holds me under. Sam, sometimes I wish you could drift with me and you could tell me stories and I wouldn’t have to lay so sad in my bed and my mind could drift without thinking of kisses or family or friends.

Sam, sometimes I wish it could just be you, me, and the sea. And we would lie awake, and just… be.

So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled

I am one with everything.

Love, Sam